How To Put Your Ego in Check

Hearing your name called as you sit in the crowd. You head up the stage, look back at your family sitting in the stands and hold out your hands. A school administrator places a diploma in your palm. You’ve worked hard for it and now it is time to show the world you’ve got skills!

I remember landing that first job out of school. I had something to prove. I wanted everyone to think I was smart. I studied International Relations and now I was working in foreign policy. I had all the answers. No one could tell me anything I already knew about geopolitics, geography, and globalization. I wasn’t humble, and it shot back in my face on more than one occasion. The agency I worked for required all entry level workers to spend a year in a 24/7 watch station. The government maintains watch stations in the foreign policy industry to monitor worldwide events. It’s critical work for National Security.

As an analyst, you spend every two weeks shifting between morning and evening work for a year. It’s a brutal schedule and tests the patience of anyone new to the agency. When it was my time to serve in this capacity I told my coworkers that, “I have a life, and this is going to get in the way.” The next day I had a note on my desk from my supervisor telling me to see her when I got in.

She sat me down in her windowless office. I had no idea why I was there. “I’ve been told that you are complaining about the 24/7 rotational assignment, is this true?” she asked. I started to turn red and the confidence I displayed a day earlier with co-workers I trusted evaporated. I let my ego get in the way of doing a duty all new employees were required to fulfill. I thought I was too good for not just the assignment but also the job itself. My supervisor saw this as a problem. In the government, you are given a two-year probationary period. Unlike what people think, the government can let you go at any time during this period without explanation. It’s their way of testing the waters. For me, I thought this was it. Was I about to be fired because I let my ego get in the way?

In the end, I wasn’t let go. I learned a valuable lesson instead. I allowed my ego to take the best of me and it reflected poorly on my performance. Coworkers saw me as someone who complained and who did not want to do his duty.

“Ego is the enemy,” is the title of a book written by Ryan Holiday. It’s a mantra I tell myself anytime I feel like ego is getting the best of me. Let’s explore this topic together. I’ll show you why it’s the worst quality to display in a new job and strategies to prevent it.

Earning an undergraduate or graduate degree is no small feat. You’ve worked hard for the diploma and you need everyone to know just how smart you are. The first job out of school is the best place to let everyone know that you’re special.

Wrong.

Do yourself a favor and take a hard look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I don’t know anything.” This is the mindset you should take when entering the workforce. It should be a mantra you tell yourself throughout your life as you grow. Ego is one of those qualities that is a negative that compounds over time.

Let’s look at some case studies on ego in the workplace:

Jimmy, is a new consultant with a prestigious firm. He lets everyone know just how great he is. His smug demeanor is displayed through his passive aggressive behavior when interacting with others. Even the managers that oversee his work perceive Jimmy’s ego as annoying and pretentious. Jimmy builds a reputation for having an ego. That reputation spreads like wildfire and after a few years, he stops getting staffed on projects. Managers don’t want to staff an ego driven consultant who is difficult to work with.

Or take Sally for example. She starts a new job that doesn’t quite align to her undergraduate degree or interests. Somehow Sally is stuck doing change management work but is really interested in graphic design. Sally shows up to work with a poor attitude and reminds everyone that this is “not what I went to school for.” At times Sally does not willingly take on tasks or activities assigned to her because she is counting down the days until she starts a new job.

Another example is Chris. Chris graduated from an Ivy league school and joins a private equity bank. He’s 24 and has accomplished a lot in life on paper. However, he carries around a pretentious vibe. He’s not open to learning because the Ivy league school has taught him everything he needs to know.

Lastly, take Mr. Career Guide. I started working at a top tier government agency right out of school. I thought I had all the answers and believed I was smarter than my colleagues doing the same job for 20 plus years! I gave off an aura of over confidence and rarely asked for help from mentors. I believed I had everything figured out. I remember attending an inter-agency conference within my first year. It was Friday afternoon and attendees were beginning to leave early for the weekend. There were still a few topics that pertained to my job for discussion at the tail end of the conference. I told one of my teammates that if she wanted to hit the road early she could, and I’d take notes. “You don’t know shit,” she said. Her response was sharp and reflected the aura of ego I had displayed throughout my time there. It wasn’t the best way to put my ego in check, but I got the message. I wasn’t displaying the right level of humility and she pointed this out in a harsh way.

Ego is a cancer. Once you develop a hint of it, it can be hard to shred. When starting a new career, put your ego in check. Even if the job is not all what it’s cracked up to be, downplay your ego. Keep your eye on the long term and use the job as a learning opportunity.

In every job, you have to pay your dues. Take every new assignment with a sense of gratitude. Be open to constructive criticism from those that have been doing the job longer. If you want to be successful in a new job, maintain high levels of humility and modesty.

Too often I’ve seen new graduates invoke a sense of entitlement. Here are some points that ego can impact on the job:

1. Reputation.

It doesn’t matter how big an organization is or how small. After a year or two on the job, an organization feels smaller. You start running into people you know in the office. Your reputation starts the first day of work. It follows you throughout your career. It won’t take coworkers long to assess their working relationship with you. If you are egotistical, your reputation will spread as someone not easy to work with.

2. Strained Working Relationships:

Most organizations start new employees on projects with higher levels of support from senior leaders. When you display a level of ego or entitlement you risk straining the working relationship with managers. Those managers are responsible for helping you get promoted and navigating the organization. Perhaps they recognize that your skills are not being utilized to their potential. The may start giving you tasks to bring out those skills. None of that will happen if you strain the working relationship because of your ego.

3. Inability to Receive Constructive Criticism:

When you start a new career, there is a learning curve. You can’t expect to know how to do everything and if you mess up, mentors and mangers may offer you constructive criticism. I remember one senior manager told me that I needed to do a better job of taking notes. “Taking notes. I know how to take notes,” I said as my blood began to boil. Here I was talking back to a 55-year-old senior manager giving me feedback I had never really considered myself bad at doing. I let my ego get in the way of reflecting on my ability to take notes.

4. Risk Alienating Coworkers:

Consider the first year as a level playing field for yourself and coworkers. It doesn’t matter where you went to school and what you’ve done in life. No one cares. If you hold yourself in high regard because of the accolades you’ve collected so far in life, you risk alienating coworkers. They’ll be less inclined to seek your input. Maybe you’ll stop being invited to the weekly kickball game. Or perhaps you’ll get passed over for special projects that strengthen your professional brand. Put the ego in check and treat everyone as equal no matter what they’ve done in life compared to you.

5. Reduction of Gratitude:

Gratitude is a quality that separates top tier performers from the average. Ego and gratitude complement each other in the workplace. When your ego gets in the way of saying “thank you” or “do you need any help?” or “really appreciate the insight and mentorship,” your shooting yourself in the foot for future growth. Gratitude in the workplace is an infectious attitude that is never brought to the surface if you have ego.

Let’s look at some strategies Mr. Career Guide uses to reduce levels of ego in the workplace and in life (He still has a lot to learn):

Stop Talking and Work.

The ego wants everyone to know that we are important because we are doing work. We talk about it at the water cooler and brag about how busy we are. But in truth, the ego wants to project the idea that we are busy doing important work without doing it. It feels like work but it’s just us feeding our ego. This is your time to shine. Focus on creating value for the organization. If your skills are not being used to the best of their ability, find a place to apply them. Sit down and put in the hours. Invest in yourself by thinking long term. Be patient and take on new tasks and assignments with open arms. Life will work itself out as you grind it out day-to-day.

Keep Learning.

In every job we can learn something. We can learn from others and from the tasks we are given. The ego loves to believe that we have everything figured out. Seeking to learn is a must to keep the ego in check.

Be Practical, Not Passionate.

The job may not align to your passion. But be calm and thankful for the opportunity at hand. Calculate your next steps with a clear and objective mind on the right career. Use the current opportunity to learn as much as you can and jump ship when the time is right.

Help Others.

It doesn’t matter where you are on the totem pole. Just like learning, helping others keeps us humble. Offer to help coworkers up and down the chain of command. Maintain a mindset of abundance to forge relationships without having to fight your ego.

Restrain Yourself.

If you are receiving feedback on your performance, restrain yourself. Be open to constructive criticism. Don’t allow your ego to get offended and act out. Endure the pain and move forward.

Don’t Get Fancy.

Ego turns minor accomplishments into major events. The artificial inflation is simply a delusion and turns you into a fraud. Stay humble through your work.

You Are Not Special.

If we look at the ocean and see the vast expanse of water and think about our impact in this infinite plane of existence, it is hard to feel nothing but gratitude. Ego can’t live in that state of mind.

Have a Bigger Goal than Yourself.

Set your standards and be selfless with your goals. Help others on the job and add value. Use the lessons acquired on the job to propel you forward in whatever venture you hope to do in the long term.

This is your time to shine. Don’t let ego get in the way of fulfilling your dreams.